My Mother by Heather

My Mother

Oh no my mother is dying
She is sick
She is yellow
She is tired
She has cancer
She will not get well
The treatment didn't work
The cancer is too strong, too fast, too vicious
How can this be?
I am shocked
I am stunned
I am sad and angry
But mostly sad
Who has or will love me like my mother?
She is dying
I am going to be without her

I am going
I am going to sit by her
I touch her, kiss her
I talk to her until she is too tired to talk back to me
And I still sit by her and
Still touch her and kiss her
And I listen and listen
To every breath
Because this one might be the last
And then its not
But the next one might be
So I sit and I touch her
And listen
I want to hear them all
I will be here for every one
Please be quiet so I can listen
Stop the words, just listen
To every precious breath that she has left
I will sit and listen and touch her and kiss her
And I will listen until the very least breath
Of my dear, silly, loud, loving mom

She is gone now
She is gone
My mother has died
She looks different now
Everything that made her her is gone now
Is gone
Is returned with her sweet spirit to her God
I cannot fault her for going
This life is a journey and she has completed her journey
There are many who will greet her and lover her and she will begin her next journey
But me
I must find a new way without my mom
Not without her influence
Not without her memory
Not without her voice in my mind
But without her hugs, her physical love, her body
And without her voice in my ears
My children will forget
They will not know her
They will miss her influence
And not know that they are missing it

There is a hole where she is and was
Friends will miss her
Co-workers will replace her
They will all go on
She was not in their life every day
She is not their mother
But she is my mother
She is my friend
My advisory, my confidant
And now she is gone
She is gone
She is gone
And I am so sad
I want someone to say something
That will make it better
To make it hurt less
But there are no words
No words can make this better
I just miss her
And I am so sad
My mother is gone.

July 11, 2010