Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My Mother by Heather

My Mother

Oh no my mother is dying
She is sick
She is yellow
She is tired
She has cancer
She will not get well
The treatment didn't work
The cancer is too strong, too fast, too vicious
How can this be?
I am shocked
I am stunned
I am sad and angry
But mostly sad
Who has or will love me like my mother?
She is dying
I am going to be without her

I am going
I am going to sit by her
I touch her, kiss her
I talk to her until she is too tired to talk back to me
And I still sit by her and
Still touch her and kiss her
And I listen and listen
To every breath
Because this one might be the last
And then its not
But the next one might be
So I sit and I touch her
And listen
I want to hear them all
I will be here for every one
Please be quiet so I can listen
Stop the words, just listen
To every precious breath that she has left
I will sit and listen and touch her and kiss her
And I will listen until the very least breath
Of my dear, silly, loud, loving mom

She is gone now
She is gone
My mother has died
She looks different now
Everything that made her her is gone now
Is gone
Is returned with her sweet spirit to her God
I cannot fault her for going
This life is a journey and she has completed her journey
There are many who will greet her and lover her and she will begin her next journey
But me
I must find a new way without my mom
Not without her influence
Not without her memory
Not without her voice in my mind
But without her hugs, her physical love, her body
And without her voice in my ears
My children will forget
They will not know her
They will miss her influence
And not know that they are missing it

There is a hole where she is and was
Friends will miss her
Co-workers will replace her
They will all go on
She was not in their life every day
She is not their mother
But she is my mother
She is my friend
My advisory, my confidant
And now she is gone
She is gone
She is gone
And I am so sad
I want someone to say something
That will make it better
To make it hurt less
But there are no words
No words can make this better
I just miss her
And I am so sad
My mother is gone.

July 11, 2010

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

June 8, 2010

Puyallup Memorial Information
We have finalized the plans for the memorial for our mom. It will be held at the downtown Puyallup LDS church building. That address is 1015 13th St SW, Puyallup, WA 98371 from 1:00 - 2:30. We would love to see you there. Please pass the word along to anyone you think would like to know about the memorial.

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers, especially for our dad. Drop him a note in the mail if you can.

Monday, May 31, 2010

May 31, 2010

There is a memorial service planned for June 12, 2010 in Puyallup from 1:00-3:00 pm. The location is in the works but please spread the word and mark your calendar. As soon as we have a building scheduled we will post the information.

We are collecting pictures on our mom for the memorial. If you have some pics that you would like us to see, please send them to shkulin@msn.com or brandypoulsen@yahoo.com.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers and cards, etc.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

May 25, 2010 Funeral Information

Mom's funeral is Friday, May 28, 2010 at 2:00 p.m. at the LDS chapel (2536 North 6th St. Cheney, WA 99004) with a viewing before starting at noon. We will proceed to the cemetery directly after the service.

Monday, May 24, 2010

May 24, 2010 at 9:30 pm

This afternoon at 3:35 pm our mother finished her mission on this earth and returned to her Heavenly Father. She passed peacefully with her family surrounding her. Right now, its hard to tell you how we feel because the feelings are still so very fresh. Know that we are so very sad and wish the world could be still for just a moment to acknowledge the passing of a special person. Our world is a different place now. This will take some adjusting to as we figure out a new normal.

Mom's first Dr. apt. was only 42 days ago and she was diagnosed with cancer 29 days ago. What did you do in the last 42 or 29 days? Life is a precious thing; don't take it for granted.

We will post funeral information as soon as plans are finalized. Let us catch our breath and we will let you know the specifics soon.

P.S. hug your mom!!

May 24, 2010

Good Monday morning!! Its all relative, right?

Sunday, Dr. Nichols decided that they would stop doing labs on mom because we already know she is getting worse and they aren't changing her treatment or medications based on the numbers. Plus, the numbers just make us all more anxious so we don't care anymore. Although, we have all been watching the numbers when they come in to check her vitals. Her blood pressure is slowly going down and her oxygen saturation has declined. The Dr. anticipates this to be the trend through the end.

We had a long day yesterday. Many family members are still in town. We spent several hours in the room with mom just watching her breath. She is now only breathing 10-11 breaths per minute, which isn't horrible its just less (and it gives us something to do--count her breaths per minute). Some breaths take a little longer. We would sit and watch her and when she was taking a long time to breath we would wonder if that was the last one. Then should would breath again and we would relax for a minute until it happened again. It is likely we will receive a change in her responsiveness and breathing pattern as she declines.

She sleeps ALOT. But she wakes up when people come in to talk to her and knows who they are and asks appropriate questions for each person (and by appropriate, I don't mean she wants to know about their underwear. I mean she remembers who is in school, who has kids, etc.).

Heather, Brandy and Bobbi had a slumber party in mom's room. We set up 2 twin air mattersses and all three of us slept across them (spooning--just kidding). Mom has been having small muscle spasms and the hiccups so we didn't have to wake up all the way during the night to check on her. We just listened for her to make noises and then went back to sleep which means we slept like babies (awake repeatedly during the night and then falling right back to sleep).

We are trying to keep mom's room as quiet and peaceful as possible. We are kicking the 'chatty-kathys' out into the hall or the family lounge down the hall because she keeps telling us that the noise is too much. She's the boss, we just do what we're told.

We really appreciate the snacks and meals that people have brought for our family. Eating three meals a day in the cafeteria gets old really fast. Also, mom's room smells like a flower shop. We pray you and your families will be blessed for your efforts.

Last Thursday, the Dr. anticipated mom would have about another week and it looks like that will be the case. Today we are beginning preparations for her funeral.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Saturday, May 22, 2010

We had a very busy today, lots of family and friends from out of town. Mom's uncle Danny McGraw, Aunt Kathy, cousins Alan and Dennis McGraw are here today from Utah. Mom's sister Donna and husband Jim got here Thursday from Utah. Mom's mother-in-law, Dorothy Clark came to town yesterday from Enumclaw, WA. Mom's brother Mike and his wife, Shelley got here from Tacoma and her sister Margaret got here last night from Puyallup. Mom's mom, Gerogia McGraw got here today from Puyallup. Heather, Steve, Makenzie, Rylee and Payton flew in today from Vancouver, WA. Mom's long-time best friend, Dona Thaut got here yesterday from Puyallup. Mom and Dad's LONG-time friend Neil Himes got here today from Tacoma. Mom's aunt Gloria, uncle Dean and cousin David Haskell visited today from Chewelah, WA. Christopher, Margaret's son and his family are in town visiting his in-laws, so he was able to visit for a while. One of Brandy and Heather's friends from junior high school and long-time family friend, Sandy Gannon got here today from Graham, WA. Mom's cousin Aaron Weilert also visited today. Ceasar and AnnaMaria comes to visit and help tend the grandkids. Mom's friend from a prior job, Janine visited and brought some food. Thank you very much, yum! A friend from Brandy's work, Laurel came by with some treats, snacks, a plant and games for us. Bobbi says thanks so much for the gluten-free options! All her grandkids got some one-on-one time with Nana today. We took many pictures and video.

Mom was a bit overwhelmed by so many visitors at one time today, so when you come to visit please spend a few minutes talking to mom and then other visiting needs to be done in the visitor's room. Thank you for being so understanding.

So her labs for today are worse than yesterday, as we expeced. She is urinating very little every 12-20 hours. Kidney and liver function continue to decline, which means her blood is collecting poison instead of being cleansed by these those organs. Her potassium level (6.1 today) is the most concerning because that will soon cause irregular heartbeats. Other toxins in her blood will slow her breathing and make her more and more sleepy. Again, this means only days left.

Mom's nurses have been wonderful! They are CARING for our mother well. Her room smells like a flower shop, lovely! And the grandchildren have decorated the walls with drawings. Brandy and Heather are spending the night tonight, the 3 daughter's are taking turns sharing night shift, camping out in the floor.

PS Drive a little more carfeul and MAKE SURE your family knows you love them. Hug your mom!

Oh, how our lives have changed in 39 short days!